Asshawk.com » Colorado

A bird on the head is worth five years of probation

Posted: March 28th, 2012 | Author:

A 49-year-old man in Grand Junction Colorado “accidentally” shot a 23-year-old woman in the head when he misidentified her mohawk as a possible fowl that had been harassing his cats. The woman was apparently resting on a hill, possible sleeping when the man fired at her. Soon after the shot was fired, he heard a moaning noise coming from the woman, not from her mohawk. The man had been sentenced to 5 years probation and it is believed the woman, who may have been a transient, did not suffer any life threatening injuries and could not be reached to testify as she may have left Colorado.

 

Call of Doodie: Real Life Modern Warfare

Posted: November 9th, 2011 | Author:

A Colorado “man,” 31-year-old Lomorin Sar,¬†went to pick up his pre-ordered Call of Duty Modern Warefare 3 video game and the employees informed him that they were out of stock. Sar did not take too kindly to this news and instead of crying about it, he then informed some of the employees that he was going to shoot them when they got off work. He also communicated that he would also blow up the store.

This guy is taking this video game thing a little too far.

He was arrested early Tuesday morning and was issued a summons for disorderly conduct. His court date has not been set yet, but they may want to consider added security for that day. Let’s hope this guy doesn’t go throwing emotionally upset birds at structures with pigs in them.

Exotic Dancer Convenience Store

Posted: August 23rd, 2011 | Author:

So, I was just driving down the street the other day and happen to pass by this shop, Exotica’s – An Exotic Dancer Convenient Store. Yes, that’s what the long-term establishment implied vinyl banner sign states.

Exotica's: Exotic Dancer Convenient Store - Denver, Colorado

Exotica's: Exotic Dancer Convenient Store - Denver, Colorado

I’m really glad that this store has arisen, because I was pretty concerned about those dancers that do not have a resource like this when they really need it. Like those times when they are running late to work and may have forgot that extra thong (in Colorado topless, you need to wear 2 on stage), or if one of your heels broke off those glass stilettos and you just can’t pull off that Mentos moment, or if you simply just need to pick up another pair of pasties in case you started lactating on the drive to work. I wonder if they carry any FDS?

This store should appease and accommodate for those awkward times when 7-11 or the Kum & Go just doesn’t have the appropriate merchandise on hand to get you through the night… or day for some.

Look! Another Medical Dispensary

Posted: April 11th, 2010 | Author:

If you live in or near Denver, you probably noticed the recent rise in medical marijuana dispensaries popping up. Not just the adsAnd I’m not just talking about one here or there. I’m talking about one almost every few feet, literally.

The photo below was taken of 3, count’em “3” dispensaries within a half o a block! The first two are literally next door neighbors and the third one is less than 50 yards up the street.

Now, we’re not dissing the concept of legalizing marijuana or the medicinal use of it either. Do what you gotta do, but seriously, 3 dispensaries within a half block is a little ridiculous.

Now, I like Slurpees a lot, and even though 7-11’s seem to be everywhere, they are not adjacent to one another. Plus, statistics show that there are now more dispensaries than there are liquor stores in Denver, and it’s only been less than a year since it was legalized.